"Reckless Love..."

A Hell's Public Service Hygiene Film...

Brought to you by the First's Council for a more Hygienic Hell...



PG-13

Disclaimer: All BTVS characters remain the property of Heinrich Nast, Mutant Enemy, all other owner/creators of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series...Including some guy name Josh, er Joss...

Summary: A cautionary lesson for the young demon about to visit Earth...

Play Main Theme

  









A packed auditorium in Hell Training Center #5...Where Hell's best receive their final training before going topside...

Blaring, raggedy music plays...A flickering movie appears on the screen stretching to the floor of the main stage...



"Reckless Love..." the title boldly, if jerkily proclaims... "A Cautionary Tale for Young Demons Bound for Earth..."



Starring...



The crowd cheers as the name "Spike..." with a spike drawn underneath appears...



Below it... "Heinrich Nast, the Master...As 'the Master'...Angelus...As 'Angelus/Angel'..." Boo!...At the Angel...



To the opposite side of the screen...



"Sarah Mich...." the film too grainy to read... "As 'Buffy'..." Ya, Baby!!...Several female demons whacking their cheering mates... "Colin, the Anointed One...As 'the Anointed One'..."



"Sarah Bernhardt as 'Halfreck'...Ronald Reagan as 'Giles'..."



As these names fade...



"And Doug Mc Clure...As 'Xander'..."



At the corner of the stage, watching with the Master, Colin eyes the screen...Doug McClure?...

"He cried in the First's office, she couldn't bear it, had to throw him a bone..." Nast shrugged...



In large type... "And your Narrator...The First Evil..."



The lovely Buffy face of the First appears...Looking a bit weary, perhaps...



"Hello...I am the First Evil..." Ya, ya!...Hoooga!!...Love ya baby!!...Cheers from the audience... The figure on screen steps off, out into view as a standing...Glaring...Form...The catcalls cease and desist...As do several louder members of the audience...Permanently...



"Right..." she steps back into the screen... "As I was sayin', I am the First Evil...Welcome young demons about to depart for that den of iniquity, Earth...Once our beloved home, now despoiled and overrun with short-lived, filthy primates who think space flight and nukes are a big deal..."



"You are the nucleus of the army that will one day...Maybe...Regain that dear planet for our own...Despite our recent setbacks, I continue to believe in our kind's coming triumph...Hell, we're still kicking in a manner of speakin', right?..." YA!...YA!!..." Shut-up!...she glared...But resumed composure like the born Leader she was...



"Soon you will pass through the Hell portal...Now currently situated in the exciting and lovely city of Cleveland, Ohio...And join our scouts and raiders in acquiring recruits and information that will...We continue to faintly hope...One day prove decisive in our battle to reclaim our lost world..."



"You have been trained...Tested...Both in battle and in the skills you will need to melt into the human world ...For years...You are our best, our cream dela creme...(oh, God no...she sighed, eyeing the bunch...Dregs of the dregs)...However there is one area in which you have not yet been trained...Possibly an area you would never have conceived a need for training and preparation in..."



Yet an area...In which the unwary young demon might easily meet his or her...Doom...she gave a somber look...



"Yes...I am talking about..."



SEX!!!....One foolhardy...And probably drunken...Young fellow roared...



"Right!...Something which you will never have again!..." she glared at him...As he was quickly blasted to goo by energy beams from the ceiling...



"But not the sex which forms such an essential part of a demon's existence..." she calmly continued as imps cleared away the mess... "The love a normal, healthy...Corporeal (damn)...Demon experiences for his or her mate(s)...But the unhealthy, fevered, just plain wrong, damnit!...Lust an unwary demon may come to experience...For a human mortal..."



Eeheww!!!...A general cry spread...



"For a filthy, short-lived primate..." she shook her head...Oh, the shame...

"Not that some of them can't be kinda hot...Like for instance..." she beamed...

You male guys can do the 'Ya, baby!' now...she glared...

Ya, baby!!...Enough, she waved a hand...



"Oh you reckless young demons with your fast cars, powerful spells, and insane lusts for human mortals..." she shook her head sadly...

You've no conception of the horrible fate which can befall even the most innocent of us when among these humans...Subject to their...Wiles...

"Let take the case of this fine young demon..." Spike's human image in duster comes on the screen...

Ayyyy!...



"Yes..." she nodded... "The famed Spike...Hero of our kind for a century...Destroyer of Slayers..."

Brought low by his own folly in loving...A human...



Oh!...Gasps throughout the room...

"This rather hot form, actually..." she grinned, waving a hand to indicate herself...

"And this sweet thing...A champion vengeance demon..." Anyanka's face appears...Anya form next to her in a split image...

Likewise a fool for love...she shook her head...



Human love...



"Let us view their grim fates...And heed them..."

***

LONDON, 1885...(A screen subtitle reads...)



Cut to shot of Angelus lecturing his dear grandoffspring on the perils of associating with...Humanity...

"Avoid the Slayer like Death my grandson...For despite her beauty, to our kind, she is just that...Seeking to suck out the lifeforce that flows immortally within you..."

"Yes, Master Angelus...Oh noble grandsire, I shall forever heed your words of wisdom..." Spike nods...

"Of course I wouldn't pass on a one-night stand with one of them..." Angelus notes... "Providing no stakes are in hand...And you're sleeping on the non-sunrise facing side..."

***

SUNNYDALE, CALIFORNIA 1997...

(Here's my part...Colin beams at the screen from his seat by the Master...)



A smiling, heavily made-up Colin welcomes the new arrival to the Sunnydale clan... "Welcome, brother Spike...Welcome with all our hearts..."

"Nice to be here...I understand you lot have..." dramatic pause... "Slayer problems..."



Yes...Colin's face falls...Darkening... "The fiendish Slayer has killed my second father, our beloved 'Master', Heinrich Nast...She's murdered dozens of our people...I have heard...That you, Spike...Have rescued us from this curse before...Can you help us now?..."



"Show me your Slayer..."



But...Spike...Colin notes... "She is both deadly...And...Beautiful...Are you sure you can deal with her...Wiles?..."



"The Slayer's not born who could deflect me from my duty, my little mate...Leave this menace to me..."



"I must trust in your strength of purpose..." Colin sighs... "For I am but a more or less defenceless and innocent boy...Only the love of our people making me strong..."



You won't mention that to the Slayer...Will you?...he eyes Spike... "Certainly not..."



Cut to battle scene...Spike fighting a heavily made-up, pancaked-faced pale 'Buffy'...Nobly, of course...A coarse, shrieking overweight 'Joyce', likewise in heavy pancake makeup, charges in behind him, heavily armed...And opens up...He is forced to retreat, gallantly carrying off two wounded comrades...But turns back to give a gallant good-bye to the rather impressive young Slayer...



She eyes him...And in a dark moment...He is on the road to destruction...



"Nice fight, Spike...See you again...Real soon..." she grins... "Hey and I'd bet a strong, handsome guy like you could be leader of the demons in this town...Right?..."

"That sure would...Impress me..." she beams as he stares at her...And is dragged to safety by his comrades...



See ya, blonde-boy...she waves...



Cut to scene of Colin being destroyed...



"But Spike!..." Dru cries in horror as he hoists the revered ex-leader to a sunny death... "Are you sure this is the right thing to do...And that you're doing it for me...?"



Arrrgghh...Colin screams piteously... (Colin in the audience covering his eyes as the Master pats his head...Poor kid... "I was good, no...?" he beams, looking up...)



"Yeah, yeah, Dru...All for you..." he nods...Waving her off...

But she can see...Clairvoyantly...And even in her deranged state...That another has claimed his black heart...

***

The Master appears on screen... "Yes..." he sighs... "That was the beginning of the noble Spike's turn from the fold..."

His slide to disaster was quick...And horrible...Aided by fiendish operatives of the US government...



Spike and 'Buffy' on Patrol...



"But...Slayer...How can you ask me to kill my own kind?...With this chip in my head I cannot oppose you...But...Surely...There is a better way..."

"Spppikke...Want sex?..." A seductive beam...

"Lets get those foul fiends of the night!...Quickly..."

***



"Even to the betrayal of his siress and vampiral lover...She who first brought him the Gift of Immortality..." The Master shakes his head...



(Good?...Nast eyes Colin where they sit...Mmmn...Not Academy level...Colin shrugs...But for an amateur...Not bad at all... "Say, who's doing the nutcase...?" "Darla..." the Master replies... "Uncredited as punishment for Connor and all..." Just so...Colin solemnly nods... "Good job though...")



Let us see...And heed...He waves a hand...The screen darkens, then lights again and we find ourselves in a dank lair...

'Drusilla', chained to a post as Spike menaces her with a knife...Actually less pale with the makeup than usual...A scruffy-slut 'Buffy' leering, egging him on...

"Oh, Spike...How can you threaten me like this...Your loving Drusilla...How can he, Miss Edith?..." she turns to her doll...

See...She's nuts...Better off dust... 'Buffy' sneers...

"Please, Spike...For the sake of what we Immortal lovers once meant to each other...Fight the baleful influence of this blonde vixen..."

"It is too late Drusilla...I am ruddy well lost to the power of her incredible sexuality...No doubt stemming from her short life span..."

"Oh...Spike..." 'Dru' sighs...



Eh, leave her... 'Buffy' sneers again... "I got vamps to dust, I'll kill her for a thrill some other time..."



"Farewell, pet...Think of me with forbearance every so often..." he calls as they leave...



"Was he talking to you or me, Miss Edith?..." the chained 'Dru' eyes Miss Edith...



***

"Then..." Colin appears on screen...

"The final horror...Spike took the one act that is beyond the pale..."



He had sex with the Slayer?...A voice calls...We want details!!...



("Hey..." Colin rises from his seat... "I'm only a kid...Watch your mouth, you sob!!...")



"He journeyed to the Heart of Darkness...In search of that which must forever be forbidden...That which cuts one off completely from the warm bosom of our kind..."

Bosom!...Bosom!!...A call in the audience... "Hey...!" The First reappears on screen... "Damn well let the kid finish, ok!..."





"He..." on screen Colin pauses dramatically...

Yes?!!...Yes, yes?!!...

"Demanded and won the return of his...Soul..."

No....Jaws drop...

"All for love of his human Slayer..."

Whoa...



"And what was his...Restored human William as well our lost brother Spike...Reward?..."

Sex?...One young fellow rather innocently calls...



Cut to the Hellmouth cavern...A pleading, winsome First begging Spike not to betray their kind...For the last time...

"I can be the woman you love in her, William...And lots more compassionate...Did I leave you alone in that basement?...No way..."

(That's me doing the First...The First notes to Colin, having materialized in the seat next to him... "Nice job..." he nods...Thanks...she beams...He eyes the Master, rolling eyes...)

But the fiendish Slayer urges him on ...To destruction...The great battle for Earth is lost...

Temporarily of course...

"Bufffffyyy..." he calls out as destruction begins to claim him... "A word of comfort before I go...Please..."

"Hey...I gotta cut on my side...And we've got a mall to find...Don't bother me now, Spike..." 'Buffy' stalks off...Pausing just a moment... "Besides...I still think Angel's kinda cute...Gutless as he was in this one...See ya...Sucker..." she sneers...Heading for the surface...

Colin shakes his head sadly...



Gee...That coulda been me...one young fellow shakes his head... (Yeah, right...the listening First nudges Colin in their seats...)



On screen Colin continues...



"But lets see the fate of another of our poor tormented kind...Who also dared love a human...And was repaid...In the usual human way..."

***

"Reckless Love...A Hell's Public Service Hygiene Film..."



PG-13



Part II...





The First resumes the Narrative...The young demons watching the screen intently...

"Here we see the famed Anyanka, champion of justice...For one thousand years..."



Anyanka is seen walking through Sunnydale...Actually portrayed by the First in a brunette wig...



A voluntary recruit to our ranks...After her betrayal by her human mate...One of her own (former) kind...the First's voice over solemnly notes...

"Granted Power, Immortality, Eternal Youth and Beauty at her soul's free choice, through the benevolent intercession of D'Hoffryn, Lord of Vengeance..."



D-H!!...D-H!!!...Cheers erupt as D'Hoffryn's kindly visage appears for a brief moment...



"An unparalleled career success story...A justice demon selfless to a fault...Devoted to her calling..."

Shot down like a duck in a single, unguarded instant of weakness...she sighs...We see on the screen, First/Anyanka eyeing... 'Xander'...An aging but still hip and cool Doug McClure in the role...Swaggering through the streets...

"By one on the rebound from that very same Slayer...Among several other human females who'd dumped him...Who was even then leading our Spike to destruction..."



"Hey..." 'Anyanka' having taking 'Anya' form greets 'Xander'... "You seem down, fellow high school classmate Alexander...Can I perhaps offer comfort and assistance?...In a form far superior that which a normal girl could?..."

Oops...Must never reveal my secret identity now that I am powerless due to the lamentable destruction of my pendant...We hear her thinking...Must focus on recovering my power and resuming my noble career avenging the helpless and the wronged...

Hmmn...

But he is so cute and obviously would never harm me in any way...



"Yeah, baby...I'm a little down...But it's just temporary..." 'Xander' sneers... "No woman is ever gonna bring Alexander L. Harris to his knees...Unless of course it's a sure path to sex..."

Alexander L. Harris...We hear 'Anyanka' thinking... Oh, be still my aching, thousand-year old heart...I must be strong...

Still, sex on one's knees...Hmmn, sounds...No, I must be strong...she thinks firmly...Walking along with him...

"They think I won't have a date for the prom..." our greying, slightly paunchy 'Xander' fumes... "I'll show 'em...Heartless...Cruel..."



Hmmn...Anyanka's warm heart is clearly touched as she eyes the human...Hmmn...We hear her thinking... 'Prom'?...Ah, yes...The ceremonial celebration of the human mating ritual though bizarre movement...All the other...Human...Girls were talking about going...

OH!...They're not accepting his invitation to attend?...How could even human females be so cruel?...she eyes 'Xander'...Now trying to affect a nonchalant, devil-may-care attitude...

And I could give him such good pointers on how the devil would care...

And...This 'prom' would be an excellent place for me to seek new assignments for the time when I have recovered my abilities ...Many young females sure to be wronged and suffering...



And...She eyes 'Xander'...



Poor guy is so damned puppy-dog cute...And looks sexually capable...More or less...



"Ummn...Xander?...You know..." she smiles at him... "I'd really like to go to the prom..."

Yeah...? 'Xander' eyes her coolly...Looking her over...

"And I have the necessary funds to purchase admission..." she raises her purse...

Hmmn..."Yeah, you're kinda hot...You'll do...Yeah..." he nods... "You're my girl...For this week, at least..."

An innocent demon, pure of heart...Offering herself recklessly to the cruel and pitiless human world...The First's voice over resumes...

"Another demon heart...Dead On Arrival..."

("She's good as 'Anyanka', don't you think?..." Nast eyes Colin from his seat... "I'd give her an eight..." Colin nods...)

***

"Our poor Anyanka was all too soon drawn into the sordid world of lust, murder, and occasionally stylish clothes that is the Slayer...By the man who claimed to... 'Love'...her..."

But whose false heart in fact was already pledged to the fiend of all Demonkind...



"C'mon, Anya...Buffy needs us to help slaughter defenseless newborn demons!!...GET A MOVE, ON, you brain-dead tramp...!!!"

Coming dearest... 'Anya' drags her battered body...Exhausted by physical abuse and unnatural...Strain... To the door... "But...Honey?..."

"What, what!!...Are you questioning me again?!...Questioning Buffy?!...NO ONE QUESTIONS BUFFY!!! No one!!!...Understand, you former demonic bimbo?!!..."

It's just the years of hideous abuse by human parents talking...she loyally thinks to herself...We hearing...Still...I must make a faint plea for friends and former colleagues...

"Xander, honey?...Must we kill them before trying to talk to them...Perhaps if we asked them what they want...Negotiated peacefully...?"

"The ONLY GOOD DEMON IS A DUSTED OR DISEMBOWELED DEMON!!!...How many times does Buffy have to tell you that?!...Moron!..."

Less of course she's having sex with him...And is enjoying it sufficiently...he carefully notes...

"Now get out there and help Buffy kill your old friends and adopted family!..."

"Xander?...You know sometimes I almost think you're only using me and my specialized knowledge of demons to get closer to Buffy..."

I almost think...A pensive look... You don't really love me...And I should return to my own people...

"An...Baby..." 'Xander' glibly... (Trust Doug McClure to get that glib just right...the First beams to Colin...Hmmn...

"Doesn't she like me anymore?..." Colin hisses sadly to the Master as the First turns away...)...replies... "You're the only one for me...If you keep your trap shut and don't ask your usual dumb questions..." Yes, Xander...she sighs...

(Poor kid...I'll eat the face off that bastard...A young male fumes at 'Xander' on screen...)

Sensing her continuing hesitation, 'Xander' cuts to the chase...Using the magic word...

"Sex, An...?"



Ohhhhh...she stares at him, suddenly weak in the knees...(Colin eyeing the First...Very...Realistic...he hisses...Thanks, she beams... "Never having had sex I kinda had to imagine...")

Yes...Please...Oh...Wait!...she struggles desperately with her conscience...

To murder my own (adopted) people...Those who welcomed me and sheltered me when the mortal world turned dark and cold...To kill them remorselessly now...For love of my beloved ...We hear her think...Oh...

She eyes the waiting, leering Xander...Hmmn...Did he say...Sex?...

"OOOOH!...Sweet mystery of life!...At last I've found you!....OOOOOH!!...Sweet mystery of life at last you're mine!!..."

(Sex must be nice...the First sighed sadly...Colin patting...Well trying to pat...her...Sympathetically...)

***

"She likewise fell prey to the vicious and material human world..."



Cut to shot of Ronald Reagan as 'Giles'...With 'Anya' at the Magic Box...

"But Giles...Are we to actually charge others for the vital information and magical aids we can offer a tormented world?...I thought we sought no reward..."

"Kid...In the human world there is only one rule...Screw the other guy..." 'Giles' solemnly notes...

"And the essential freedom is the right to make a buck..."

Oh...she eyes the pieces of green paper...The said 'bucks'...Which possess a fatal lure all their own for humans...



Thus a pure and noble demon was corrupted from her former selflessness...



"Hey, baby...Did ever tell you how I single-handedly liberated the concentration camps during World War II?..." 'Giles' leers at 'Anya'...

***

"And then...Harsh reality came crashing down on poor Anyanka...But offering a chance of escaping her grim fate..."



Cut to wedding party scene...

"Xander!!!..." 'Anya' cries... (I look damn hot in wedding dress, don't I?...The First eyed Colin, then the Master beside him...Oh, yeah...Colin nodded...Eyeing and shrugging at the Master... "How the hell would I know...I never got to puberty...?" he hissed to Nast who waved a cautious hand..)...

"Don't go!!.Don't humiliate me like this in front of friends and family!!!...Especially when they've all agreed to a truce...Even the members of yours with each other..."

Gotta be a free spirit, babe... 'Xander' shrugged...Ciao...

Hey there...Buffy...he eyed 'Buffy' in bridesmaid gown... "What, no Spike?..."

"Dumped him...Til I need him again for a battle...He was gettin' too clingy, ya know...You, uh...Not going through with the ankle bracelet ceremony?..."

"Nah...Too confinin' for a free spirit like me..."

"I been Spikeless for thirty minutes...Ya wanna go have sex?..."

"I'm with you, babe..."

Xander...? 'Anya' calls forlornly...Her dress limp and dragging behind her...

"Patrol in two hours, Anya..." 'Buffy' calls back... "Have your demon-sensitive butt over by then..."

"And look at this poor demon, just murdered in cold blood by 'Xander' on the floor...His claim...That he was 'protecting' her from an enemy seeking revenge?...Yeah, right..." the First's voice-over sighs as the camera closes on a group with Anya round the murder victim...

"But at last, a noble rage had begun to flame in Anyanka's heart...And with the kindly aid of the noble D'Hoffryn...Always ready to welcome a prodigal daughter back into the fold...She resumed her career..."



But, alas...All too briefly...

***

"Naturally the Slayer was enraged that a former voluntary demon should reassert her independent spirit...And nobly defy her..."

Cut to scene of 'Buffy' shoving a sword through 'Anyanka'... (Here's where my noncorporeality came in real handy...the First noted to Colin...)

"But sadly...Although she was far too powerful and noble for even a Slayer to kill..." Cut to shot of 'Buffy' cowering as 'Anyanka' pulls the sword out, a defiant look in her eye... 'Xander' whimpering in a corner... "Her compassionate heart could not allow her to resume a career that occasionally must needs inflict a certain degree of just suffering on humans...And it was not long before her addiction to human love was played on once again by the fiendish enemy of all Demonkind..."



Cut to shot of a raging 'Buffy' facing 'Xander'...

"Get that bitch back on the team, Harris!...I need her abilities to complete the destruction of all that is holy to Demonity...Do it 'Xander'...Or no sex!!..."



He gulps...



"And I kill you!!..."



Hmmn...Well, sex with An wasn't so bad...we hear him thinking...And I can always get 'em back...

"No problem, your Slayerness..." he nods, swaggering out...

"And, sadly...It wasn't..." the First's voice-over notes...



"Though Anyanka fought the pull...With the help of old and dear friends..."

Cut to shot of 'Anyanka' with dear ole friend and fellow vengeance demon, 'Halfreck'...Pleading for her to return to the fold before the inevitable disaster...

"The lure of the vile human was too overpowering...All her experience could not save her..."

"She rejoined the ranks of the Slayer's slaves...Her life sacrificed needlessly...And uselessly, defending a worthless human comrade...As a minor foot soldier in the ranks...Ignored by her so-called 'friends' and former lover..."

Cut to shot of 'Anya' being skewered by a rather handsome Harbringer... ("Is that Angelus doing the Bringer?..." Colin asks...)...As an imp playing 'Andrew' cowers...

"And all too soon forgotten by said former lover..."

Cut to shot of 'Buffy', 'Giles', 'Xander' at the Sunnydale crater...Hulking demon extras standing in for other members of the Slayer army...

"Well, that's that...Smell the rotting corpses of our slaughtered enemies...I say we find and hit a mall!..." 'Buffy' waves a fist..."And I needa new sex partner...Giles, find me another studly vamp susceptible to my...Wiles...At once!!..."

Yes, your Slayerness... 'Giles' bows...



'Andrew' goes to 'Xander' now leering at several 'activated Slayers'...

"Your Anya died nobly, Xander..." he begins... "Yeah, yeah...Great...Dumb bitch couldn't get out of some sword's way, eh?...Well, one more problem solved...Hey, babbby..." 'Xander' grins at a shyly smiling 'Slayer'...

("Her soul's in Heaven now, though...Right?"...Colin innocently noted... "Shut up, kid"...the First hissed back from her seat...)

"Yes...Poor Anya...Abandoned....And mourned by none of those she gave her heart and trust to..." the voice-over continues...

***




br

The First resumes her normal Buffy form on screen...Just changing the brown hair, actually...

"You have seen the grim and tragic fate that awaits the demon who foolishly offers his or her heart to a human mortal...Learn the lesson well...Take it to heart and keep the memory when you set out on your difficult but heroic assignments..." she points from the screen at the crowd... "The tragic story of Anyanka..."

Cut to shots of humiliated 'Anya' in wedding dress...And skewered 'Anya' dumped in a pile of rotting corpses...

"And Spike..."

Cut to shot of Spike calling mournfully to 'Buffy' as she heads up for the surface...She whistling a happy tune...As he begins to burn...

"This could be your fate..." our Narrator points... "Or yours...Or yours..."

"Or Yours!"...she looks directly at us from the screen...

TELL YOUR OFFSPRING!!!


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